Mimi and the Spork
by Kawaii-babi
Summary: So we all know the story of beauty and the beast, and RENT, but what happens when u melee them together with a spork, you get MIMI AND THE SPORK!
1. How it all began

_I'm back behbeh! This story came to me in a dream. Sporks, Beauty and the Best, RENT, perfect match! LOL! Disclaimer: Don't own RENT or Beauty and the Beast, but I own a spork, and I'm eating cake with my spork… Cake+ Spork love. It's just like my pookie and me. Pookie+ me Love: D On with the story!_

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Once upon a time, in a land far far away called Bohemia, the hansom prince Roger was sitting on his throne, celebrating his 18th birthday with all of his workers which included his best friend Mark Cohen, who liked to film stuff, his dead cow stuffer and drama queen, Maureen Johnson, who was married to Joanne Jefferson, but sadly, Joanne died, so Maureen now goes by the name Mrs. Jefferson, and after Joanne's death, started to clean pots. Joanne was also a transvestite, so they had a son named Chip. Then there was Collins. Collins had an obsession with clocks. Who wouldn't, I mean, clocks are so cool! Anyways, he was dating the maid, Angel, who was a beautiful drag queen, who liked to play with the feather duster, with all its fluffiness. And Roger, he had an obsession with himself. I mean, he is gorgeous, so who wouldn't want to be obsessed with him? 

Anyways, during his party, there was a knock at the door, and since it was his party, he went to answer the door. Expecting to see a servant with many gifts, he open the door to find a male stripper with a nametag that said '_Benjamin Coffin III, but you can call me Benny'_ holding a single red rose and said "Please sir, let me in, and in exchange, I, Benny, male stripper from the Cat Scratch Club, will give you this single red rose, and if you'd like, I'll dance." he added the last prt with a flirtatious glance. The reply from prince Roger was "GET THE HELL AWAY FROM MY DOOR OR I SHALL **KILL** YOU! GET AWAY! SHADDUP! I DON'T WANT YOUR STINKING RED ROSE!" Just as he finished yelling, Benny floated into the air, surrounded by a warm, white light, and turned into a beautiful woman and said "You do not see people for what is within, you always judge people from the outside. I say, what the hell do you have against male strippers, gangsta g, yo? For that, I shall turn you into the thing you hate the most!" Roger began his guessing.

"Male strippers?"

"No."

"Barney?"

"No, you're getting cold."

"Michael Jackson?"

"NO FOR CHRIST SAKE!"

"THEN WHAT THE HELL AM I TURNING INTO!"

"YOU'RE TURNING INTO A SPORK, OK? YOU AND EVERYONE IN YOUR CASTLE SHALL BE CURSED TO TURN INTO SOMETHING! THEY'RE LUCKY BECAUSE THEY ARE BEING TURNED INTO THINGS THEY'RE OBSESSED WITH! IF YOU DON'T FIND SOMEONE TO LOVE YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE BY YOUR 22ND BIRTHDAY, YOU WILL REMAIN A SPORK FOR ALL ETERNITY! MUAHAHAHA!"

The room glowed pink, and all anyone remembered from that day was prince Roger yelling "DAMN YOU AQUA SCUM!"

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_Yay! My first chappie out of the way… next chappie will be up soon. If you have any suggestions, just tell me. BTW! No Mimi/any one besides Roger stuff, bcz the spork, it's Roger!_


	2. Plus, I hate your guts!

_I'm back again! LOL! Chapter 2! All right! Woo! Lol! I have no idea what I'm doing! LOL! Expect this chappie to be random! Muah!

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**_3 years later_**

A young girl named Mimi was walking through the streets of bohemia with her nose, yet again, in a book. Now Mimi wasn't like normal female bookworms in Bohemia. She was gorgeous, and she liked to tell the sheep what she was reading. Oh, and her dad was an, inventor, well, not really. And, on her heals she had an annoying man named The Man, that all the girls in Bohemia, save Mimi, were in love with. He was a drug dealer and he was also, for lack of a better word, HOT! But Mimi looked for more than that. She wanted a man who took showers, liked to read and thought her dad was awesome! He would try to get her to marry him by offering her free drugs, money, himself, and ya. But she always refused.

"C'mon Meems, you marry me and I'll give you all the drugs you could want!"

"As tempting as that sounds, how about NO! I don't need drugs when I have books! And could you please get that 'Just Married' sign off of Elsie? I don't think she likes it, plus I hate your guts, goodbye!"

And with that, she pushed him into a pile of mud and the whole town, which was dressed for a wedding, laughed their heads off and walked away, leaving The Man in the mud.

**_Later that day_**

"MIMI!" came the voice of Mimi's father. "¿Si papa, que pasa? (Ya dad? What's up?)" Replied Mimi.

"I'm going to the inventor's convention and I'm taking Elsie with me, behave and don't let anyone in the house."

"Si papa. No problemo!"

"And Mimi?"

"Yes papa?"

"If I'm not back by nightfall, it means I'm drunk."

"Ok… It's not the first time, I'm 18 now…"

"Love ya."

"Love ya too…"

**_In the forest_**

"Whoa Elsie! I don't think we're in Bohemia anymore…" suddenly, Elsie saw wolves, and ran as fast as her cow legs could carry her, which wasn't very fast, considering how fat papa is, dumped him over the gates of a castle, and ran back to Mimi.

**_With Mimi_**

'What in the world is taking papa so long?' thought Mimi. Suddenly, she saw Elsie run into the house, without papa. "Elsie! Where is papa! Take me to papa!" And Mimi got on Elsie's back, and Elsie ran as fast as her cow legs could carry her.

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_Yay! Chapter 2 done! Next chappie, Mimi meets the spork!_


	3. It tastes the same!

_I finally got more inspiration for this fic so HERE WE GO!_

_**Disclaimer:** Grr…

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**_In the Castle_**

Mimi walked into the creepy looking castle, calling out for her Papa. Little did she know that two inanimate objects were watching her every move…

"Do you see what I see?" The camera turned to the mini clock next to him.

"Did I see what Mark? I see many things. I see some stoli!" Collins the clock said, grabbing for the stoli.

"No Collins," Mark the Camera said, "The girl! She could be the one who will break the curse!"

"Oh… OH! And if she breaks the curse, I can drink stoli again! YAY STOLI!" Collins said, dancing around on his little clock feet.

"Oh gosh, nothing will get in the way of you and your stoli. MRS. JEFFERSON! CHIP! ANGEL! COME HERE! It's a GIRL!"

"Who said that?" Mimi yelled nervously. Suddenly, Mark popped out of nowhere, landing right between her feet. "Hello!" He said, looking up, with the camera rolling the whole time.

"EEEK!" She yelled "A TALKING CAMERA!" She kicked Mark, really hard. Suddenly, everyone else popped out of nowhere.

"My you poor thing!" Mrs. Jefferson exclaimed. "Don't be afraid of us." Mimi looked over at Mrs. Jefferson and yelled "GET AWAY FROM ME CRACKPOT!"

Mrs. Jefferson looked offended. " HEY! Just because I'm a pot with a crack doesn't mean I'm a crackpot!" Chip then looked up at his mother and said, "Actually mom, it does!"

Mimi tried to stifle a laugh. "Hey, you guys aren't that bad. Do you have something to eat? I got kind of hungry after the wolves chased after me…"

"Oh come on." Collins said. "We'll have miso soup, seaweed salad, soy burgers, tofu dogs and pasta with meatless balls."

"Eww!" Mimi said disgusted. "It tastes the same!" Collins argued. "If you close your eyes!"

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_Sry tht it's so short… oh well_


	4. That Crazy Bitch is Out to Kill Herself

_Yeah... I dunno... I'm going to skip forward to where it all happens..

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_**In the Hallways...**_

Mimi was being given a personalised tour by Collins and Mark, who were fighting overa stuffed unicorn.

"I'm telling you, Mark, I saw it wink!" Collins exclaimed, sipping some stoli. Mark then grabbed it out of his hands and sighed.

"Collins, you were drunk, or maybe you hadn't drunk enough. Anyways, Collins, you're dillusional. You need proffesionnal help, or you need to get laid..." Collins cleared his throat loudly when Mark said that, then he raised his eyebrow up at Mark.

"**I **need to get laid? What about you? I bet if wee looked between your legs, we'd see spiderwebs!" Collins exclaimed. Mark stopped dead in his tracks.

"For your information, after the death of a certain lawyer, a certain drama queen came to me for some... comforting." Mark said, staring at the ground. Collins just stared.

"You... did... THAT... with... Maureen? After... OH GOD! YOU JERK!" Collins yelled, then punched Mark, and then this little fight cloud appeared. Mimi decided to break them apart... verbally.

"Oh, I've never been inside an enchanted castle before!" Mimi exclaimed, twirling around in circles. Mark and Collins just stared and exclaimed in union. "THERE IS NO ENCHANTED CASTLE, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" Mimi raised her eyebrow.

"If this isn't an enchanted castle, then why are you guys talking? And why does this seem so similar to my book? Eh?" Mimi asked with a slight canadian accent.

"Probably because lots of things that happen in real life happen in books. You know that, right?" Marl stated, hoping to get her off the subject.

"To your right is the north wing. That is where the master sleeps. No one is allowed up there without strick permission from the master. Do you understand that?" Collins asked, only to find that she had goen up to the north wing.

"Stupid little bitch is out to kill herself, ain't she?" Collins said to no one in particular.

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_Bwahaha! Sry I havent updated in so long!_


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